It started with the thin fish magnets Christians slapped on the back of their automobiles. Then came the fish with feet. For those who wanted to be more blatantly obvious, the name Jesus (or some Latin rendition) was put on the fish, and the name Darwin donned the fish with feet. Now, there are Truth fish eating Darwin fish with feet, and fish with feet sprouting tails. A simple opinion has gotten way out of hand on the back of people's cars. And apparently also in the state of Kansas.

The Kansas Board of Education voted to delete any mention of evolution from the state's science curriculum. This proves once again that history is written by the victors, even if the victors are idiots.

The theory of evolution has been under attack since Charles Darwin came up with the concept, and while the Scopes Monkey Trials appeared to sum up the debate more than a few years ago, the battle is taking place again in the public school system. My question is why are the creationists are trying so hard.

Here's one answer: Mark Looy of Answers in Genesis (a creationist group) says "Students in public schools are being taught that evolution is a fact, that they're just products of survival of the fittest. There's not meaning in life if we're just animals in a struggle for survival. It creates a sense of purposeless and hopelessness, which I think leads to things like pain, murder and suicide."

While I find the "evolution leads to nihilism" theory entertaining, I think the kids still find ways to enjoy themselves in the struggle for survival. We can go to amusement parks and blockbuster movies, even during our survival of the fittest.

The creationists annoy me because they are just fanatical Christians blatantly trying to influence the education process. While religions are good at teaching faith, persistence and devotion, they don't help boost those SAT scores. Are kids going to refuse to answer test questions that deal with rocks that are millions of years old? Not if they want to get into a good school.

The main problem the creationists have with evolution is that it says humans came from apes. I agree that this concept is highly debatable. I'm not sure if we spawned from apes, but I do believe we posses many ape-like qualities to this day. Remember the end of this year's Woodstock? Seems like a bunch of Alpha males got together to challenge for leadership of the clan. Personally, I think apes would have acted more civilized at the concert. Maybe apes aren't directly related. Maybe they're distant cousins that we only have to see at big family reunions.

The other problem with evolution is that life on Earth has been going on for millions of years. Creationists see the world at a fresh 5000 years, tops. This, to me, seems flat-out foolish. The idea that nothing went on before humans were able to write down stories is extremely egotistical. That's like me saying nothing really happened before I was born. Hey, wait a second...

The reason this creationism hits me personally is that I was born in Salina, Kansas, and my first coherent thoughts were in Lawrence, Kansas. It bothers me that the people I first came into contact with would spend so much of their energy on battling evolution. Aren't there other things that need be done in the Midwest?

Creationists say that since evolution cannot be observed or replicated in a laboratory, there is no evidence that it actually occurred. Some people say the same thing about the Holocaust.

There is but one solution to this debate, and it is a stupid one. Let's stop teaching the kids anything that possibly contradicts any religion. That will take care of most history and science classes. Math can be taught through basic algebra (without any mentioning of those wicked imaginary numbers). All electives will be eliminated as music and art have the potential for all sorts of strange expression. And we can get back to a society of ignorant people, just the way God made them a few thousand years ago.

Chris Jungle refuses to put any Jesus or Darwin paraphernalia on his car.