Author's Note: The title for this column was told to the author from a physicist at a bar who explained that it was an old saying in the field. The author is unsure whether it aptly represents the words that follow but feels the lines were to poignant to die with the rest of the babble that occurs in bars. Besides, you could make it work if you tried hard enough.

Who was looking at the maps? Who ran their finger across the schematics of Belgrade, Yugoslavia and decided that cluster bombing an area really close to the Chinese embassy was a good idea? Who's running the show over there? If there's one country on the face of this planet we are trying excruciatingly hard not bother, it's China.

We've been bombing for well over a month now, and all I've heard is that we're blowing up almost everything we mean to blow up--plus a Chinese Embassy and some unplanned civilian spots. I guess we've destroyed so much of what we wanted that we need to spice things up a bit. Ratings haven't recovered since Littleton.

And we're sooooooooooo sorry. I can't tell you how sorry we are. The whole fiasco is something we deeply regret and apologize for. We just want to blow up the military, bridges, refineries, and anything built by Serbian hands. We just want to make Milosevic our bitch. We didn't mean any harm. We didn't mean to hurt the children because the children are our future. And we are really, really, really sorry we blew up the Chinese Embassy.

What I realized is that we're going to end up paying for this whole blasted affair. We're paying big bucks to have our boys mow down the missile command, and when it's all over, we're going to probably spend just as much building everything we destroyed. Welcome to war--American style.

Maybe that's the way to take over the world. Blow up everything a country has created, and then offer to build it back up again with Taco Bells, Subways and McDonalds. Maybe that's how Alexander the Great wanted to do it, or the Romans, or those guys in Montana. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But all the plans go out the window when YOU BOMB THE CHINESE EMBASSY! Sorry. Where did that caps lock come from? No wait, I take it back. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry anything. What I did, I did, and there's nothing I can do about it. This is war, for Mars' sake, and things happen outside my control.

I'm sick of us being sorry for bombing the wrong stuff. If you punch me five times in the face and then sucker punch me in the groin, no apology is going to make it feel better. It's gotten to the point where I don't think we're sorry at all for anything we do.

What's left to bomb, anyway? Yugoslavia is not that big of a country. In fact, I'm not even sure if it is a country. I'm not sure if I trust anything anyone is telling me. The last thing I heard, gravity doesn't exist and the earth sucks (I did it! I did it!).

We're going to win this war. I don't see the Serbs rising up against anyone except the people they can beat up. The United States can beat up anyone--except maybe China. But I'm sure when all of this is over, we'll build them a shiny new embassy with all the trimmings, let them keep their Most Favored Nation status indefinitely, and allow them to do whatever they want to their own people. After all, we now know how to kill Chinese people just as good as the Chinese do. The only difference is that we say we're sorry.

Chris Jungle sits in his abode mimicking a shirtless Robert Duvall and incessantly repeating the line "Someday this war's going to end."