Okay, so most folks completely ignored the whole impeachment drama. Keith Olbermann's show sank under the weight of public indifference to scandal. Too bad Chris Matthews is still on the air, though. In any case, I'd like to shed some light on some of the things which didn't get through to those wrapped in Monica insulation.

Alanis Morrisette is dreadfully untalented. And she's really not that hot, either. I don't think much more needs to be said here.

Shakespeare in Love is a really, really good movie. Slapstick humor, scorching eroticism (not to mention slapstick eroticism) and some really fine wordsmithing. Kinda like what the main character used to write.

The Yankees won the World Series. I know, you have to have been utterly dense to miss that, but that's what this little service is all about.

Paula Jones lost her case and got her sack full of silver anyway. The Democrats made gains in an off-year election, and Clinton still got impeached. The Republicans learned the Bible was right after all: Those who throw stones find their glass houses shattered.

Sportsnight is a good TV show. Hey, turn off the Crossfire and watch something interesting for once, asshole.

Georgia's sodomy law was overturned by its Supreme Court. Who says the New South is full of bigoted idiots? Well, okay, so Jesse Helms is still a senator...

The Budweiser frogs and lizards got canned. Except that they're still making ads. I don't know why I even mentioned this.

Apple's iMac is the biggest thing since... the original Mac. Now you can get them in different colors. As Steve (I've got a couple mil in the bank) Jobs sez, "Collect them all."

Michael Jordan won his sixth title with the Bulls and retired seven months later (see Yankees note above).

Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls, and the other Girls got pregnant, married or both.

Jane Smiley, T. Coraghessan Boyle, Philip Roth and Nick Hornby published new books. Turns out the novel isn't so dead after all.

There's something spiritual in standing on a scenic vista, contemplating Three Mile Island through the ozone smog (alright, so that's more of a personal note).

Bobby Knight isn't a fan of the saying "Who's yer daddy?"

Even 16-year-old boys can get too much of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Mike Tyson keeps acting like an idiot.

And, of course, there's a new Star Wars movie coming out in May. Just so you're ready.

You know, there's a lot more where that came from. In fact, healthy, scandal-free lives were lived by millions during the last year. Just thought that needed to be said.

Jon Worley would be happy to recommend even more Hummergate withdrawal products, but he's afraid of being subpoenaed by Kenneth Starr.