A few weeks ago, I was one of the first people on the planet to see the story. The details were sketchy, but it looked like the folks who brought the 2002 Winter Olympics to Salt Lake City might have bought a few votes. As I was new at my job as wire editor, I wasn't how I should play the story on the web site where I work. Top story? Maybe wait for a more complete story before running it up top?

My boss told me to run it on the general sports page, along with the cycling and sumo news. Not even top story on the general page.

I protested. I might have even screamed something like "This seems like a pretty damned big deal to me." My boss came back with a detailed analysis of the Pakistani cricket match-fixing scandal (which has spread to India, Australia and New Zealand as well). This impressive display of obscure (in America, anyway) sporting news, I guess, was intended to explain to me that most folks involved in international sports are more crooked than any U.S. politician could hope to be. And anyway, ESPN.com wasn't playing the story up.

See, whereas most newspapers will watch the New York Times ("blow job" didn't hit your local paper until the Times vetted it first), internet sports sites watch ESPN.com. Simple as that. Like everyone else, we did not play up the story. And we still haven't, though the first day of George Mitchell's investigation did rate a mention on our front page.

And my boss's assessment of the corruption quotient does seem to be head on. First, the Salt Lake committee said they followed the rules, no gifts more than $200. Then they said, oh, there were those scholarships. A few dozen relatives of International Olympic Committee members (people who vote on Olympic site selection) got free college educations. A large number of these people were from Africa, a fact the Salt Lake people emphasized at every opportunity. Patronizing, sure, but let's not forget that Mormons have a similarly complicated relationship with many American Indian tribes. They meant well, that's what they said. And anyway, there was no slush fund. But, see, no one had asked about a slush fund.

Oops. That's when the whole thing exploded. And while the Clinton episodes were a dreary parody of Watergate, the Olympic story reads more and more like a straight rehash. Of course there was a slush fund. Lots of cash was handed out, though most of the voters seemed to prefer firearms. As did IOC President Juan Antonio Samaranch.

If you didn't know, the IOC president is always, always the most pompous ass on the face of the earth. It is the sole job requirement. Samaranch's lofty proclamations as the scandal unfolded only fueled the fire, and when it was revealed that he, too, had accepted at least four (and maybe more) shotguns and rifles from the Salt Lake gang, he simply said it was customary to give the IOC president expensive gifts when he came to town.

A cynical way to look at this is to say that Samaranch believes it is customary to bribe the IOC president. But don't forget, Samaranch is the most pompous ass on the face of the earth. What he was saying is that he, as IOC president, was just like a head of state, entitled to full diplomatic regalia, including the exchange of gifts during official visits. Of course, there was no exchanging of gifts; Samaranch simply reeled in the loot. His gift to everyone is simply the benefit of his presence.

Whatever. Like I said, Samaranch is the most pompous ass on the face of the earth.

But why should organizing committees stop at mere single-shot weapons? Why not get into the real firepower? If Salt Lake bought its Olympics with shotguns by the caseload, what's to stop Belarus or Ukraine from implementing a "one warhead, one vote" policy in an attempt to swing an Olympics their way? I mean, they're already giving the damned things away as it is. Might as well have a real party while they're passing out nukes to every nut with a manifesto.

But we can't fault those plucky Salt Lake folks, good Americans who had enough cash to win an Olympics. Or, for that matter, the folks in Atlanta, or Australia (home of the next Summer Games). The graft exposed thus far is so pervasive, I wouldn't be surprised if some Greek tycoon passed around a few bills to ensure that the 1896 Olympics would take place in Athens. Oh, but that's being cynical. It would mean that the true Olympic spirit is greedy and venal. Next thing you know, I'll be saying that the IOC isn't paying attention to what performance-enhancing drugs are doing to Olympic athletes. Or that the IOC is much more concerned with its corporate sponsors than the athletes themselves.

Gee, that can't be the case. Not at the Olympics. I mean, if there's one good thing in the world, it's the Olympics.

Right?

Jon Worley likes to watch the Olympics. At least the track and field events. If there's a world record which might be broken. As long as Ally McBeal isn't on.