I'm not bothered by the usual holiday annoyances, clogged parking lots and bothersome extended family members, all that. The annoyance for me this time of year is that the alleged schizophrenia of my outlook on life is highlighted like one of those reindeer Christmas light sculptures everyone had to have this year.

You see, I am active in left-leaning politics, friendly with the Democrats and the enviro-greenies and sometimes even the (gasp!) civil rights activists. This is something to be stowed away when I'm in polite company. But alas, I have an even darker side. I was raised in a fundamentalist Baptist church that preached revival, rapture and very little redemption. I never took on the practice, but I never let go of the faith either.

Schizophrenia?

I compounded my own problems this year by renting Robert Duvall's "The Apostle," a film so good I'll leave out the adjectives - just rent it. The story follows a preacher who has a living and explosive relationship with his God (or is just plain nuts, you decide). The movie called up for me all the elements of the "Christian right" in politics that are demonized in the culture. Duvall's portrait is neither sympathetic nor condescending. So is mine.

One stat that will slay you: one-third of people who identify themselves as "born-again" voted for Bill Clinton in 1996. (Sourced to Washington Post, I'll give you chapter and verse if you need it.) I was not surprised. Some of the most kind, most giving and least judgmental people I have ever met attend churches that preach bile every Sunday.

Schizophrenia?

I would like to declare here that I am not crazy, and neither are those folks. Rather we are in touch with a spirit that has been alive in Christianity since its inception.

When liberals out in the public sector try to make government better suited to meet human needs, try to even out the harshness of the business cycle, try to put people over profit, they engage in essentially Christian acts, whether undertaken in Christ's name or otherwise. I know that works without faith is pointless, but check out recent headlines for what happens when we have faith and no works to back it up.

The obsessive fundamentalist Christians have forgotten the power of "Testimony" in public life. Christianity is supposed to manifest itself in humans in ways that confound other people -- earthly riches forgone, aesthetic beauty placed behind human happiness, compassion and sympathy past all that is socially required. After all, the "sinner" has available only the outward signs of the Christian for use in determining whether he/she would like to take on that faith.

I get so angry when I hear Christianity processed in terms of a behavioral code - no swearing, no dancing, no gambling. I suppose it is that, but only as part of a larger, universal change in outlook that a soul takes on when a dedication to Christ is made.

The worshippers of the "Judeo/Christian moral code" would do well to leave aside the mushy legalese of their theocratic ambitions, kneel and pray that their public acts would be seen as astonishing for their selflessness. This is as opposed to, say, the appearance of a crusade. Want a way to wake up America? Imagine if all the "Christian" conservative members of Congress who just voted to extend the national hate-fest a couple more years instead chose to exercise compassion or forgiveness in some very public way -- kindness toward their most bitter enemies, something about a cheek here.

After all, Jesus didn't come around to set up CHRISTPAC and run Paul for the Roman Senate. He challenged every social institution and convention of the time, including the members of his own faith. His teachings contradicted the wishes of every pompous landowner or leader of the day, while at the same time recognizing their legitimacy for the limited purpose of ruling people's day to day lives.

Schizophrenic? Not a bit. At this moment in history our country stands to benefit if someone would make that point a bit more loudly.

John Hedgecoth got married in a nice Baptist Church. It was a sunny day. He and his wife drove off in a makeshift surrey with a fringe on top.