I've grown tired of their childish antics
by Matt Worley

As we turn the last corner of this year's political season, I'm left a husk. A dried out and crusty husk. What more do they want of me? What can I do to shut them all up for long enough to get a drink of tea before the next segment of Friends comes on? And will they all come on after the elections to thank or berate me more?

Probably not. By then, they'll all be dried out husks as well, either left to drift away in the wind, or to be gathered up and put on a pedestal in D.C. or Santa Fe or wherever their new job takes them. And I'll be back to yelling at all the car ads telling me there's never been a better time to buy.

And just like the car ads, I know the politicians are both lying and telling me the truth at the same time. Car prices keep going up, so there never is a better time to buy a car other than right now--unless you don't want to buy a car. And politicians work on the same principle: the ugly truth. The ugly truth is that there is little difference between Republican and Democrat, except in the way they attack each other.

Republicans are holding up big pictures of the Prez and asking the brilliant question of "Do you want more of this?" The funny thing is, if we do keep a Republican majority in Congress, we will get more of old Bill. We'll get more receipts for phone sex books, more testimony that sounds like pawn shop wrangling, more condemning of actions that--while bad in the really big moral picture--aren't really much of anything to care about.

Democrats are using Clinton, too. But in a subtler way. They ask the question, "Haven't we had enough?" Of course, if we vote in a Democrat majority, we'll have more of Clinton as well--just not in the role of Defendant Bill.

Vote Republican, we get more Monica lunacy. Vote Democrat, we get more of Bill as Prez. Take your choice. Either way, I'm betting Clinton sees the year 2000 from his White House perch.

The important thing to do is vote. Vote for whoever you feel will hurt you the least. That's the only real way to look at the elections. Is any politician really going to make your life better? No.

If you get a tax break, you've probably already spent the money anyway. Paying less in April won't seem like any less, because it's money that could have been easily spent on something else.

If you want the environment saved, you're already disappointed. The only reaction that could occur might resemble relief, but nothing transcendent.

If you're gay, you'll still get called a faggot. If you're black, you'll still get called a nigger. If you're Hispanic or Latino or somewhere in between, you'll still get called a spic or wetback. And so on...

Politicians are in this for two things: power and money. The people who really wanted to do something for their community and country have left the business. They realized they felt less whorish being a lawyer or motivational speaker.

The government is really only in place for one reason: controlling the flow of money. All the other crap that happens is a side benefit or detriment of moving the money from one place to another.

I've gotten a few e-mails extolling the virtues of voting a straight Democratic ticket to get back at the Republicans for putting the Prez in dire straights.

So let me get this straight--I'm supposed to be your sheep instead of theirs?

Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just be myself--whatever that might be.

So just vote, and trust me that we'll all be complaining again soon. Same bat box, same bat time.

Matt Worley is a greasy half pound cheeseburger with mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, onions and lettuce.

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