Wrapping up (everybody bitch remix)
by Matt Worley
I would like to start off with an apology this week, before I go into a little bit of bitching. Last week I said that Phil Maloof's parents were still alive. Well, his mom is still alive, but his dad died almost 20 years ago. Sorry about that.
Maloof, in a strange turn on the day before the election, bought a full page ad in the daily Albuquerque newspapers thanking his father--for money, I think. His father, dead as stated before, did not cast a vote in the election.
And Phil, who squared off for the 1st Congressional District seat in New Mexico last Tuesday, lost by six to seven thousand votes. He blamed the Green party. Bob Anderson, the Green candidate for the seat, got around fifteen thousand votes (about 15% of the vote total). Heather Wilson, the Republican winner, is now voting along with all the other Republicans at the House. Rep. Gingrich, after noting that she went with the party line on her first ever vote, praised her for her independent thinking. Or something like that.
A permanent fixture in the election pictures of Heather Wilson was her daughter. Either Heather or her husband was seen carrying the child, apparently to show Heather's protection of family values. Heather's daughter, nearly 2-years-old, was heard to ask, "Why won't you let me walk anywhere?"
The election was ugly. It was vulgar. It was about politics, but not about leadership, people or what democracy was supposed to be about--as far as my interpretation of American history tells me. So we need change. We need an answer. We need a way to take the basic right of a citizen (voting) back to the people. Here's my solution:
Impose a tax on campaign spending. 10% of the total amount spent on the campaign for each candidate will be paid to a "lottery fund." This is in excess to the total amount spent--it's a tax--and not part of the campaign spending, per se. This tax must be paid by all candidates a month after the election is over. Every voter who votes will be entered into the "lottery." And some lucky voter will get a nice sum of money. Not only will this entice voters to get into the cubicles, but it will also make us feel a little bit better about idiots spending millions of dollars for a job out of state.
In example, the winner of the lottery for our recent special election would make around $400,000. This lottery should be tax free--as it is used as incentive to vote and is, itself, a tax. And candidates would not be allowed to use the lottery as a reason to be voted for (i.e. "Look how much money I'm putting into the lottery with my stupid TV ads!"), the lottery can only be used to get people to vote in general. If we're not going to make it a law for people to vote, we should try a little harder to get them to come in. This race, and almost every other race, would be dramatically different if EVERYONE voted.
I promised a few readers who wrote in that I wouldn't harp on this New Mexico special election anymore, but, I also said that Phil Maloof's parents were still alive, and I was half wrong about that, too. It was an honest mistake. Phil's got a brother with the same name as his father and I just got a little confused. It happens, y'know.
I was walking to the 7-11 for a Slurpee today when one of my flip-flops slipped a little bit and my heel crunched down on the back edge of the shoe. This happens from time to time as well. And even though I really hate it (hurts my heel), I can't stop it. My feet have to get used to these flip-flops before they stop biting me back.
So here's the last word (until the fall when I get all pissed off again) on the special election. Three things were proved. One, the Green party is not merely a "none of the above" vote. Or, if it is, there are a bunch of people in this district who don't like the major party candidates. He got almost the same percentage as Ross Perot in 1992 and Anderson only spent three to six thousand dollars (I've seen both figures quoted as fact). Which does not bode well for Maloof and Wilson in the general election. Imagine if all the people who thought they had to vote Democrat or Republican looked at the Green outcome of the special election and realized voting Green could mean voting for the winner? Voting for the winner is, apparently, high on many voters minds.
It does prove that some of those negative TV ads got through to the people. Most of us really do believe Maloof is a goof, and Wilson is a hangnail on the foot of Newt Gingrich. Not only do most of us believe this, but the candidates themselves demonstrated these traits themselves.
Dedicating Phil's campaign to his late father (and then repeating this over and over and over) was stupid. It's not like the guy died last year or something. He died when Phil was 13! Get over it. He's not coming back. Focus on today--hell, focus a little on the future--you're trying to be a Congressman here. I still feel really stupid for thinking the guy was still alive, though.
As far as Wilson is concerned, she should have won by more--except that no one likes this lady. They just saw someone who could actually put a coherent sentence together standing next to a scripted pretty boy who thought gay rights had something to do with Summerfest downtown. My best advice for her (if she wants to win by a larger margin in November) is to learn how to speak in a higher voice and let her daughter walk on her own two feet. She's gotta learn how to walk, Heather.
I guess all of us do.
Matt Worley is slowly melting from the heat, but luckily the big 44 ounce Slurpees are only a buck.
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