Great expectations
by Matt Worley
A great rumbling, a crowd of bumbling, a bit of bitching, and possibly a gaggle of gregarious grumbling occurred on April 1, 1998 in the United States. Many were shocked. Others cried. Still others took pen to paper (or fingers to keys to e-mail) to complain. Their rights had been squashed. Their hunger had been hindered. Their life had been totally screwed up by one mostly insignificant TV show: South Park. But it wasn't South Park, really. It was the first signs of a spin-off, or maybe a flip-off, from the hugely successful (but still on cable) cartoon show. Instead of giving the masses what they wanted, the creators of South Park--a humorous little romp through the lives of foul mouthed grade schoolers--presented a half hour long joke. And a lot of people didn't get it.
In the wake of this April Fool's Joke, lots of viewers cried foul and demanded action. Comedy Central, obviously afraid of a great backlash against their highest rated show of all time, acquiesced. Instead of revealing Cartman's father at the end of May, the network is showing the episode in a couple of weeks. People are so fickle.
I was in the mall yesterday. For many, this might not seem an unlikely statement, but I haven't been in any big mall in years. My reasons were simple. I had to get a custom made t-shirt, and the only place to do that and only buy one t-shirt was to go to the T-Shirts Plus in the mall. Everywhere else wanted me to buy 12 shirts. So all of those silk screen places made me go to the mall. You bastards!
As I walked the shiny walkways of Coronado, I noticed a few things. 1. Nothing's changed much. Same stores, same lights, same smells. 2. I walk faster than most. 3. Every store seemed to have a South Park t-shirt area. Many sold cut outs (these are in clothing stores to video stores to record stores to novelty stores), posters and other things with the roly poly multi-colored kids.
Mind you, I didn't see many people wearing the shirts. I've seen a bunch of stickers on cars, but I haven't seen too many people sport their South Park gear. But then again, I don't go to high school anymore. I will say this: when I wear mine to the bank, one of the tellers gets all happy and starts talking about how this is the funniest thing she's ever seen in her life. Every time. As if this were somehow connected to me. But I am wearing the shirt, so I should take the abuse.
I have been disappointed in the world a bit lately as well. Of course, I haven't been writing mean letters to the world or anything, I've just been disappointed. This may sound kind of sick, but I was really disappointed when the U.S. didn't go to war. Not that I wanted war--I'm totally against that kind of thing. But I really wanted the entertainment a war brought. I wanted to see the charts and the diagrams with big and small arrows signaling our troop movements. I wanted to see the streaks from tracer fire, and I wanted all of those "Can I say hello to my wife/mother/father/child?" segments from soldiers to run constantly during the local news. Most of all, I wanted to write every once in a while about how all of this carnage and destruction was wrong.
And all I got was more Clinton sex jokes. Very, very disappointing.
But like I said, I didn't go and write letters to the Prez urging him into combat for my personal entertainment. If anything, I'm the fly on the wall in the room with the TV set. So my personal needs and wants should not be reflected in U.S. government policy, especially when so many lives are at stake.
Watchers of South Park, apparently, are of a different breed. I say watchers, because a fan should understand. Not to say I have some sort of empathic mind meld with the strange ass guys who write the show, but I do understand where they're coming from. Even though they've got a show on TV doesn't mean they can't be rebellious every once in a while. And April Fools Day gave them this opportunity. For those of you who switched off the TV when Terence and Philip continued their epic struggles with (interestingly enough) Saddam Hussein, shame on you.
This is TV. These are stories. It's not real and you're probably not going to die before they reveal Cartman's father. And, in the end, it's not going to matter at all to Cartman who his father is. The kid is just that way. The week after the mighty revelation, Cartman will undoubtedly be no different than he was before. These kids don't grow and change. They're cartoons.
Fucking cartoons, people.
Matt Worley thought the April Fool's show was hilarious, even though he missed most of Heather Graham's appearance on Letterman to watch it all.
return to the Shut up, I'm talking page
return to the LIES home page
return to the A&A home page