My news magazine
by Michael Maiello

I'm pleased to announce my news magazine, airing on a local affiliate in your area soon. Here's some clips from my interview with Kenneth Starr.

Me: Is it okay if I ask you about your sex life?

Starr: If you want to, I guess. I've been married for--

Me: Does your wife think you're good in bed?

Starr: Well, you'd have to ask her...

Me: Naw, c'mon, you can tell. I mean, does she... get off?

Starr: Excuse me? Starr: I hardly think--

Me: Was she your first?

Starr: Now, I thought we were...

Me: You're a virgin, aren't you?

The next clip is me interviewing Jack Kervorkian as he kills small animals.

Me: You gonna kill that thing?

Kervorkian: It wants it.

Me: Cool.

Now, me interviewing Monica Lewinsky.

Me: Is it okay if I ask you about your sex life?

Monica: I guess? (Giggles.) I dunno. Sure.

Me: You free Friday? I think we should have this discussion in private.

Monica: I guess? (Giggles) I dunno. Sure.

Next, I interview Saddam Hussein.

Me: Could you like, make the U.S. deploy it's military into the Gulf like, right now?

Saddam: Sure.

Me: Would you do it for me?

Saddam: Sure, I could use the laugh.

Me: Cool.

Then, a quick clip of me throwing tomatoes and eggs at Linda Tripp. Then, me and Buckley go into the crossfire. Which means I throw tomatoes and eggs at him. Then I plug an upcoming episode of "ER," which will have a special appearance by jack Kervorkian. Then, we discuss breaking news in Bosnia. Well, we don't. We admit we have no idea what's going on in Bosnia. Then we sign off. There's also lots of commercials.

Michael Maiello has a ten-episode commitment from Fox for his documentary "The World's Knarliest Liberal Guilt Kvetches".

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