Twinkle, twinkle, Kenneth Starr
by Michael Maiello

Okay, I know the impeachment hearings are a moot point. The election didn't mandate it, the Republicans don't have the votes. It's ain't gonna happen. But the committee moves forward and I watched. I watched without a sense of worry. They're not gonna win this one. I watched out of curiosity. Because after years of investigating, and years of people treated as hostile witnesses by government prosecutors, Kenneth Starr was about to get his.

But, he didn't. The Republican majority kissed his ass. "Judge Starr, we know and appreciate that you are the way, the truth and the light. You've had many detractors, but they're all gay commies. My only question for you sir, is how was your breakfast?"

They let Starr speak, uninterrupted for two hours. Then the Republicans babied him and the Democrats hammered him. Then they gave David Kendall, the Prez's attorney a mere half hour with him. Hyde promised Kendall he'd have time to state his case on another day. But Starr won't be there that day.

The sad fact is that none of the witnesses Starr brought in front of his grand jury were ever cross-examined. Starr and his people got to ask what they wanted, when they wanted. Then they drafted a report which included what they wanted, where they wanted. For eight years, this guy has operated with no checks and balances. When they finally got him on the stand, Henry Hyde (the supposedly fair henry Hyde, who is an honorable man) interrupted Kendall so that the Republican Legal Counsel could speak. The fat, gray haired lawyer spent most of his time saying how great it was to be in the room with Kenneth Starr. Then it was over.

Sure, the Democrats on the committee got a shot at him. But it took three questions about why Monica's testimony about Clinton never asking her to lie and not offering her jobs for silence wasn't even in the report. His final answer? He didn't believe her. This, from the man who represented himself as a fact gatherer who had drawn no conclusions. Also, as a ridiculous point of order, each congressman got five minutes and the time Starr took to answer counted against their time. The guy gets eight years of carte blanche to chase the President and beef up his resume as a modern-day Gestapo officer, and is questioned for such a limited amount of time. But then, Kenneth Starr is an honorable man. So are they all, honorable men.

Again, and again, Starr is above the law. Beyond question. Fortunately, he's beyond being meaningful. Ahab has missed his whale. Which brings me to my final point. It's clear that Clinton has won two elections, and equally clear that the people who elected him don't want him impeached. Yet Congress acts like they can't stop the proceedings, as if something other than deciding to stop would be necessary. Almost as if the will of the people doesn't matter. In the end, the general will is all that matters in this case. We decide what kind of country we want to live in, and we decide what standards our President should live by. Ha. Wishful thinking, I guess. Instead we're subject to the schemes of honorable men in our judiciary.

Michael Maiello is looking for a few honorable men. Anywhere.

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