Some unabashed support for Clinton
by Michael Maiello

A few nights ago I watched Tom Brokaw deliver a passionate editorial on MSNBC. He told us that the country had the strength and courage to weather this crisis. He spoke of his confidence in the American people. We can endure this...

Let's be honest--we can endure this blowjob. This blowjob. Not a war. Not a scandal like Iran/Contra which armed the very terrorists we just bombed, killed thousands in Central America and left us facing our own weapons in the Gulf War. Not the bombing of Pearl Harbor that drew us into a global conflict. Not our invasion of Cambodia and Viet Nam that brought thousands of Americans to their deaths against the public will. A blowjob. We have the strength and courage to endure this-- blowjob.

Oh, remember that day when the Starr report was released and TV journalists rushed onto the tube five minutes after receiving a 500 page report and started detailing a tome they hadn't read. "Well Bob, it looks like it starts with a table of contents and then a witness list, not an atypical format for..."

We've lost our collective minds. Local newspapers like our own Albuquerque Journal have called for resignation. David Broder called for resignation. Columnist Suzanne Fields, the woman who quotes classical sources she hasn't read, tried to use, of all people, Oscar Wilde as a reference for how bad things have gotten. She neglected, of course, to point out that Wilde was imprisoned on sex charges and would certainly not be against the president in this case. But, I doubt she knew that because she's, well, dumb.

The dumb people have gathered and combined their strengths against the president for this--blowjob. The puritans are at the gates. The Neo Victorians are licking their lips and lowering the hemlines on their skirts. This is their chance to wipe out the last remnants of the sexual revolution. Let's make sex dirty again! Elect a eunuch to the oval office!

I believe in privacy and liberty. The President lied, but, dare I say it, he had the right to lie. He lied in a suit which was dismissed because Jones didn't have a legitimate harassment claim. She didn't suffer a loss. It had nothing to do with testimony, the case she brought was groundless. But because of a groundless lawsuit, the President was forced to testify about a part of his life which was no one's business but his own. How would you feel, gentle reader, if I used a flimsy lawsuit to get at your personal life? If you were forced to answer personal questions before the judge realized the suit was groundless? Pretty used, huh?

Oh, I wish the President had the guts to have said, "I'm not answering that question," a year ago. If he had only taken the "none of your business" approach, it'd all be fine. The details would have leaked, but he wouldn't have perjured himself and he could still be saying, "none of your business." But, but, he did it in a public building. Shut up, he lives there.

I want a country where people can have private lives. I believe in privacy and freedom. That adults can enter into whatever consensual relationships they want, legally. I don't want this president impeached because this is a moral test of our nation. We either push forward to a new century of liberty, or we go back to a century of sexual repression and unhealthy libidos.

I don't want some prude with a vendetta and the power of the attorney general's office to destroy our liberties. It's time for people who believe in liberty to stand up and fight for this president, because when the country shifts to the right again, we're going to suffer. Stop the prudes! Halt the moral majority! And let the blowjobs land where they may.

Michael Maiello is hoping some of the blowjobs land near where he may.

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