Living for the distractions
a SUIT column by Chris Jungle

And there sat Pat Buchanan on my twenty-one inch television with a head already much bigger than mine. He spouted off about how the Clinton affairs distracted the country from normal life. "Normal life?" I interrupted Pat even though he didn't leave a natural pause for me to ask anything. As Pat went on and figured out how to plug his new book, I locked my thoughts on the idea of distractions. Pat had a point, but I don't see it as derogatory.

Sure, any and every sex scandal in the White House distracts us. So does every sporting event we watch, every movie we go see, every dinner we eat out of the house, every trinket we purchase, every book we read, every stock we own (or wish we owned), every concert we listen to, every drug we consume, and every attitude we choose to adopt.

All normal life consists of is paying all of bills, staying in the good graces of the law, and getting through twenty-four hours of a day in a sane and orderly manner. Everything else that happens is a distraction, but as the column title intentionally sums up, we live for the distractions.

It's fun for a while to muse about the President and his alleged infidelities (the phrase 'for a while' should be stressed). People get to express their personal opinions because of the actions of another. It's a safe way to explain what we believe in without doing anything morally questionable ourselves. The events of others distract from our own petty problems and even make us feel better.

That's why people watch sports. So we can praise someone else's success and complain about their failure. Movies, books, and television tell us stories we can critique after viewing. Anything that takes up our time and doesn't come with a paycheck is a distraction. And yes, that includes sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The category also includes having children, vacations, playing an instrument, shopping for an outfit, lying down in a park, wishing upon a star, and doing yard work.

I watched a friend play a percussion recital the other day. There were other distractions I could have been doing, but that's the one I chose. The guy tore it up. It was probably the finest performance by one individual I've seen all year, but it was still a distraction.

We want our distractions to take us away from the mundane, drone work normal life offers us. Everyone would stay in their distractions if it were possible. The limits of normal life are quite restrained, and we have to choose other activities to spice up our pallet.

While Pat calls for an end to the distractions, I know we're in for a whole lot more hullabaloo. There are millions of ways to distract us from ourselves. Where else can you spend a weekend watching eight hours of television, go to dinner and a movie, down a few beers at the bar, walk around a mall with an infinite amount of goods to purchase, and have conversations go late into the night about how the rest of the public doesn't understand you or your choice of distractions. And that's just one possibility.

It all comes down to the basic riddle that has plagued us since we created riddles--What am I supposed to be doing with myself? Every answer could be right and wrong at the same time. Of course, if you keep your life full with distractions, then there won't be any time to ask such a question. Isn't it neat how that works out?

I am in agreement with Pat Buchanan, and I can't bring myself to say that too many times in my life. The Clinton hoopla is a major distraction, but if you want to get really technical about it, every war could be classified as a distraction. And the thing is, there will always be something people are talking about for far too long. If it's not the president, it's Congress. If it's not drugs, it's the economy. If it's not a kid stuck in a hole, it's kids shooting their classmates. If it's not the Oscars, then it's the Grammys. If it's not a girlfriend, it's an ex-girlfriend. If it's not what you're doing now, it's what you want to do tomorrow (and occasionally what you've already done). If it's not us, it's them. If it's not you, it's me. If it's not making a point any more, then it's done.

Chris Jungle wonders how many people were distracted by the NFL Draft.

return to the Shut up, I'm talking page
return to the LIES home page
return to the A&A home page