Expert idiocy
by Jon Worley

As our society becomes more and more sedentary, individuals come to rely more and more on the pronouncements of experts. In the "olden days", we haggled for our food at the market, strangled our own chickens and kept our money under the mattress. Now we trust the USDA to keep our foods and meat safe and send the money along to the bank. In general, this is a good thing. But reliance on "experts" in every field can be a dicey proposition.

The last 10 years, lots of baby boomers have gotten a little freaked about their looming retirements and have poured copious fundage into a variety of schemes. 401k plans, mutual funds and the like, the investment of choice being the common stock. The Dow Jones Industrial Average has risen an astonishing amount in that time, and all the while the guys in the Armani suits keep saying, "Play for the long run. Don't let short-term downturns scare you."

We listened. And so, even as the stock market has careened up and down (mostly down) since an all-time high in July, the regular guy hasn't pulled out. Oh, sure, less money is going in, but there hasn't been a big sell-off by the small investors. That activity has been reserved for the big boys, the same pros who told us not to worry when the market drops like a rock.

The thing is, the pros are right about investing. No matter how much the Dow has dropped in the last two months, stocks are still the best long-term investment option. My wife has her portfolio heavily loaded up with stocks, and we're still in decent shape. And I think the market would be better off if some of the guys in the shiny suits took their own advice.

But they don't. They're running around screaming "The sky is falling!" while the sun beams down through the blue. They're the ones who are screwing about with the market. Not the "uneducated" small investor. No, it's the so-called experts who are trading like panicked sheep.

Yes, I know, these are the same idiots actually proclaimed a "new market paradigm" a while back, saying that there was no chance of a bear market as long as Alan Greenspan holds the reins of the economy. Oh my. Such hubris. Such stupidity.

While on the subject of blind arrogance, what's up with the folks in Washington? The politicians and the press in particular. The idiots who are running the Clinton resignation watch. Understand, such harsh depictions of these professions are uncharacteristic of me. I'm a person who believes that there is such a thing as a noble politician, a person who has the best interest of the people at heart. And I have a journalism degree from one of the best j-school in the country.

But my list of noble political men and women has dwindled greatly this year. On all sides of the fence I see people running for cover and for opportunity. Personal opportunity, that is, not the chance to help the people of the nation. Democrats who wheedle and whine, Republicans who moralize even as they disengage their own interns' lips from their members.

As for the press, this is a group of fools who think that any minivan pulling up to the Capitol is worth a "breaking news" segment. If I hear one more technical description of fellatio (a wonderful word which has much more style and grace than "hummer" or "blow job"), I'm gonna send CNN a copy of "Debbie Does Dallas". Because CNN and everyone else seems to be missing the point.

The point being what the people think. I'm not a firm believer in individual polls, but when confronted with five or more from a variety of organizations, I figure there has to be some truth to what is said. All of the polls conducted last week show conclusively that the average person is easily able to distinguish between the President's personal actions and his actions as President. In fact, his job performance approval ratings are still somewhere around 60 percent. Oh, sure most folks disapprove of his dalliance with Monica Lewinsky (and the others), but such matters don't enter into the discussion of his employment.

Once again, the people are right and the pros are wrong. While the members of Congress throw stones from their glass houses and the press tries to add napalm to a campfire, the average person on the street is paying attention to more important things. Like baseball. And prime-time network TV.

The notion behind democracy is that the majority, over time, will make the correct decisions. That when we all come together at the end of the day to take a reckoning, we will be able to smile and share a beer. Commiserate over our common hopes, dreams and failures. And while there has come to be an entire culture of professional experts (and commentators and columnists like me do fit the bill as well), this year it is easy to see that once again, the people know what to do, without relying on any so-called expert opinions. Oh, some overzealous and certainly hypocritical politicians may impeach the President and some stock traders might lose their shirts in a panic, but deep in our collective heart, we know what is right. And life will go on, no matter what.

Jon Worley's homebrew took two third place ribbons at the York Interstate Fair last week. He finished third out of three entries in two categories (and didn't place at all with his other three entries). So much for the local beer experts (Ahem).

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