Fear of the unknown
by Matt Worley

I keep wondering if the rest of the people actually want to advance their race, or if any kind of upgrade for human life happens by accident or brutality. A few months ago there was a new fear for everyone to think about: cloning. Big masses of freakout energies were released into the collective air as everyone from scientists to politicians to priests to everyday lay people expressed their fears. Are we going to create new slaves? If we start mucking about with God's work, we'll disintegrate as a species. People will start cloning themselves instead of having children. There were other insights, but most were based on fears and uninformed exposition.

There is a prevailing thought that clones would be less than human because they aren't conceived in the same way as the rest of us. Instead of being sweat out through exhaustive sexual techniques, these clones would be sweat out from an already organized genetic code. But a clone still must be born. It doesn't grow up to a full sized human in a pool of plasma. It won't take the side of the acid-for-blood alien in times of crisis. And it won't try to kill its creator because of perceived flaws. A clone will merely wonder why everyone is staring at it so much.

A recent uproar has erupted about a new way of getting savings at a local shopping market chain. Following the lead of another chain grocery store, the place we usually shop at is beginning to issue "Frequent Shopper Cards." Instead of producing massive amounts of coupons that are never used (less than 5% of printed coupons are used nationwide), these cards would signal the cash register to give discounts instantly without all that paper mess. Many have begun to ask questions about this "credit card" type invasion on their lives.

They're going to study our shopping patterns! The grocery store will know everything we buy and somehow have insight into our private lives! They (whoever they are) will realize that we buy the cheap food because we're not making much money! One person suggested signing up for a new card every time one wants to shop (earlier in his rant, he complained that having to show a card every time he checked out would make lines longer) to confuse and corrupt the store's information. Calm down people, it'll all be okay.

First of all, if the grocery store actually stored individual shopping information on every customer in their computers, they would have to have a separate store just to keep all the data. The amount of personnel needed to analyze all the information would cause a hemorrhage in profits (which is the entire reason for business, really), and what would it give the store? They would know what people buy (which they know already because of--inventory counts!). They might find out that you use more honey and salt than other customers. Or that you only buy Coke when it is on sale. Trust me, they aren't going to ruin your life with this tactical data. If there is anything to think about when you sign up for your frequent shopping card, it's that we won't be killing a few thousand trees for all the coupons you never use.

My last tale of technology fears is more amusing than nonsensical. I was waiting patiently in line at the post office as a young man was signing up for a new post office box. He wanted to pay with his credit card, but the post office wouldn't take it because it was unsigned.

"I sign a lot of things, but I won't sign my Visa card!" the young man said, expressing his apparently deeply felt sentiments to the confused teller.

"Sir, if you sign the card, I can take it, but the post office does not take unsigned cards."

Eventually the young man gave him a different, signed card. I stopped trying to follow these twisted paths of thought long ago. The only people who ever see a signed credit card are the tellers who take them at various establishments, and the person who signed the card. If the card is stolen, it is highly unlikely the thief will be able to fake the signature. If an unsigned card is stolen, the thief can sign it himself and use it until he gets caught or ditches it.

Even as I look forward to a time when I can watch the first colonization of other planets on my High Definition TV, I have to wonder if we're actually going to get there, or if everyone else is content upon living in the dark ages.

Matt Worley is currently working on a movie about cloning so he can cash in on the paranoia.

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