Going back to high school
by Matt Worley

I'm not that old, but it seems to me people are acting more childish as I march along my personal time-line to death. Maybe childish is a little strong. People seem to be acting like high schoolers. There is nothing wrong with acting like a high school kid when you are one. As a matter of fact, I think you should when you're that age. There is no need for 14 to 18-year-olds to cook their own food, pay their own bills, worry about insurance, or think about what might be happening next week. That's why they live with their parents. Maybe sometime during that 14 to 18 stretch they can take on a few responsibilities a year, just to get them ready for the drop-to-the-floor shock of college or (God forbid) the real world.

I just don't understand why people my age and much older tend to act like they're still in high school. A few years into college (while in the midst of a volatile love triangle) I was told, "You can't go around swapping boyfriends and girlfriends like in high school." Of course, she was totally lying about this--unless when she said 'you' she was only talking to me. My corner of the triangle was eventually cut out and replaced by another, who in turn cut out the other corner to make a much easier to deal with straight line. It was a real life equivalent of the Beverly Hills 90210 time line of Brenda sleeps with Dylan who then sleeps with Kelly who turns to Brandon who (I think) has slept with everybody except his estranged sister.

A year ago I had to be referee between two friends of mine who decided they hated each other. They had pet names for each other--none of which can be printed here.

"Is he going to be there?" Yes.

"Well, okay. But I'm not going to talk to him. Just so you know that I'm not being mean if I don't sit down at your table." Okay.

"Did you see how she didn't say anything at all to me?" Yes.

"I hope she doesn't think I was hitting on her that one time. I was just being friendly, like I always am. I wouldn't want to sleep with her anyway. She's too--" Okay.

In the end, the rest of us decided it would have been extremely funny if the two had gotten together, but none of us thought it was funny enough to mention it to either of them.

Work is so much like high school, I almost feel redundant saying it. Assigned desks, same people each day, little cliques, and management stands in as those hippie teachers who kind of want to relate to the kids. I keep waiting for the prom to come around, but I guess it's probably a long shot.

I think the most direct and obscene version of high school life for adults is the government. Local, state and federal--they're all set up in a high school hierarchy. They even use the same terms. Freshman congress people are eager go-getters who have no power. Senior members control all the committees, lobbyists and money. The Mayor/Governor/President is the most popular guy (usually) in school.

Last week in the New Mexico legislature, a young member (a woman, just to show it's not just guys lusting for those long gone days of high school) walked out of her committee in protest of the way a bill was being written. She walked out. Do remember those people who were so pissed off at the teachers in high school they stormed out of the classroom? Usually they only stood right outside the door for a few minutes and then came back in, but sometimes they took the time to hit the bathroom and make faces in open doors of other classrooms. Either way, it was just a childish way of showing they couldn't deal with other people well. To be fair, this happens in the newsroom on a weekly, if not daily basis. It doesn't mean I totally understand why they get to do this. I mean, if I could leave work anytime I wanted to, I'd never go in at all.

To put a nice cap on my exploration of high school society in the real world, I would like to bring up "Schindler's List." More specifically Rep. Tom Coburn, R-O.K., who thought that showing the movie uncut (including nudity, violence and profanity) and commercial free on NBC took network television "to an all-time low." Apparently showing the realities of the Holocaust and accompanying war was too much for the American public to deal with--at least during Sunday night family hour (whatever the hell that is). He was immediately cut down to size by a more popular (and well-known) Republican Senator (D'Amato, R-N.Y.) who basically said Coburn was an idiot and an embarrassment to his party. To paraphrase a line from "Heathers" (a black comedy about high school), "It's another case of the dweebs trying to follow the popular kids' lead and failing miserably."

Matt Worley was neither a dweeb or popular kid in high school, but there was one time the most beautiful girl in school started up a conversation with him for no reason whatsoever. His response was, "Oh yeah?"

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