Who's invited to the party?
a column by Chris Jungle

Lutherans said they can come to their house, Presbyterians said they can't come over, and Catholic won't admit they exist. It must be extremely strange to be a homosexual Christian in this world because they don't know which revival to sing along with these days. Back when I first started going to church, I assumed everyone could come in and worship, but in defense of my ignorance, I was a young boy at the time.

A little bit later in my church-going career, I was going to a Methodist church that had free donuts and coffee between the service and Sunday School. This meant that the three homeless guys in our town would come the church, and as long as they listened to the sermons, they could fill up on donuts just like anyone else in the congregation. Although I heard some grumbling about them, they were still allowed to come by, and I must confess I considered them our church mascots. Again, I was a young boy.

Most other churches in town scoffed at the idea of letting the homeless in their church for fear of losing the more prominent (and heavily donating) members. When I first heard the phrase "Give me your tired, your poor, your hungry...," I assumed it was an old Christian saying. Imagine my surprise when I found it out it was French.

I was told in Sunday School class that as long as I believed in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, I would go to heaven, and I assumed the criteria was the same for being allowed to be part of a congregation. If someone proclaimed "Jesus is the Son of God," it was pretty much understood that the person was a Christian. Now, not only do you have praise the Lord, but depending which church it is, they have to check if you're heterosexual as well.

There are wrist bands being sold around the country for kids that say W.W.J.D. which stands for "What Would Jesus Do?" The idea is that when kids are faced with a dilemma that they think about what Jesus would do in such a situation. It sounds like a good idea, but the problem is there seems to be confusion over what Jesus would have done. A reporter asked a young boy what he thought it meant, and he said that it meant if he saw somebody doing something wrong he should tell the teacher so the bad child could be punished. I knew Jesus was a carpenter and a part-time fisherman, but I didn't know he was a snitch as well. I'll let the boy get away with that answer because he's pretty new to the world.

It's not that I think Christians are bad folks, because there are thousands of them who do more good deeds for very little praise and are happy to do it. I just have a problem with some of the denomenations guest lists. I had a friend who turned out be gay even though he was raised a Catholic since birth. When asked if he was still a Christian after he came out, his response was "How can I be a part of a religion that condemns me to hell?" It seemed like a pretty good question to me.

I know it's not right to tell a religion that they have to let someone in. After all, we do have that church/state separation. It's hard enough getting golf courses to let black people in, and that's just prejudice and has nothing to do with religion.

The thing is that in all my years of church going they never talked to me about sex. The reverend never went on for a half an hour about why God made an Eve and not a Steve. The Sunday School teacher never had the boys pair up with the girls saying this is the gender you will have sexual relations when you're older and married. No one ever scorned me for hugging a friend of mine who just happened to be a male. If a certain church wants just heterosexuals, I say be blatant about it. Show your bigotry so that everyone can see, and if people like your narrow-minded approach, then you can all worship together in the wonderful, straight, segregated way.

If you're still not sure whether there should be gays in the church, just ask 'what would Jesus do?'. I'll even give you a hint. He was pretty nice to everyone.

Chris Jungle considered being a preacher as a child due to his long -winded rants, but he then learned profanity was not allowed.

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