How much is your name worth?
a column by Chris Jungle

There is a man running around telling people his name is tarnished. This man was followed around by the FBI for weeks watching his every step. This very same man was thought to have exploded a bomb at the Olympics this summer. The man for which I speak sued NBC and Tom Brokaw for stating the truth--which was that he was a suspect for planting that bomb. This thing which most would classify as a man received $500,000 in a settlement of this lawsuit. The man is named Richard Jewell.

He went on Larry King Live almost in tears about how everyone calls him "ex-suspect." When asked why he was suing everyone he could think of that stated his name during the Olympics, he replied that his name was ruined and that he "just wanted his name back." I don't know how much a name costs these days, but is it really around $500,000?

Is this man really above what many people go through: having their name made fun of? Think of how much my name gets made fun of? I've been called everything from 'Jerk of the Jungle' to 'Cheetah' since I was in kindergarten. Every jungle insult has come my way at one time or another. Does that mean I should sue my parents for giving me a last name that will be tarnished throughout my lifetime? Richard Jewell and his lawyers think so.

And how did his name become worth $500,000 a pop, anyway? My name got mentioned in a local newspaper (circ. 2000) when I made all-state band in high school. I didn't ask them for a dime. Or is it that you only get sued when you say bad things about a person? How come the opposite isn't true? Why don't we have to pay the media when they say good things about us? If that were true, I would owe my home town newspaper at least a quarter.

Did Richard Jewell do something before the Olympic bombing with his name so that it should be remembered as good? Or is it that all names are good until proven bad? Does he read to children in the hospital on the weekends? Does he always organize the food drive? Does he cry out for social injustices in the workplace? Or does he work as a security guard who goes home to watch television all night? That type of name ranks right up there with 'Columnist that gets paid squat.'

Does Richard Jewell's name need to be untarnished for all of the good stuff he's going to do later in life? Is most of the money going to charity? Is there about $300,000 set aside to build a skateboard park for the kids to keep them off the streets? Is he finally going to buckle down and write the great American novel he's been meaning to get to? Or is he going to live a life of beer, television, and prostitutes?

The sad truth is that being an FBI suspect is probably the biggest thing that will ever happen in Richard Jewell's life. When he dies, that's what people will remember, but at least they will remember him. It was probably a strange and difficult time for him, but now he has a story that tons of people want to hear. He should have just taken money from book publishers, and left the media alone. The media just made his story bigger, and he should have cashed in on selling his story. But no. He had to cry about his feelings getting hurt and get a little more of that media attention. (By the way, is using the media to attack the media a fiendishly devilish idea or a hypocrisy in morals?)

Richard Jewell defines what kind of culture we live in. It's a culture of the sue-happy variety. Lower-middle class citizens look to cash in on anything bad that happens to them because they look to turn bad things into the best things. They also know they aren't going to do anything special with their lives, so they might as well have a lot of money and travel.

Is Richard Jewell a bad person? No. In fact, he's probably a pretty decent person. But let's face it, bad things happen to decent people, and there shouldn't always be a cash settlement attached to it.

Does it bother me that so many people sue for more than they deserve? Well, it makes me ask a lot of questions.

Chris Jungle is currently involved with a lawsuit against Devon McCoy who used to call him 'Chris Swamp.'

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