Marriage realities
By Matt Worley

Another friend of mine announced she's getting married in the next year. To be honest, since I met her, she's been looking for someone to marry. I have my own personal theories about this, but it probably wouldn't be prudent to expand on them here. Earlier this spring, another friend (who I thought would be the next to marry) moved away from his girlfriend to join the military, offering the prophetic words, "Never move in with a girl you aren't going to marry." I think I'm going to be attending fewer marriages than I first expected to this year. Last year was a banner year for the ceremony in my life, I attended three. For two of them, I was in the famed wedding party, and at one I gave the toast (nothing too special or elaborate‹I was pretty toasted). As far as I'm concerned, I don't need to get involved with any more any time soon, but I have, throughout the last few years, begun to understand why people get married.

The recent decision (overwhelming decision as they like to say) by Congress to effectively "outlaw" same-sex marriages is troubling me. I understand politics. I know that this is a "safe" thing for politicians to do. And I know that no one listens to the minority‹unless it's a large minority. But we're talking about a legal contract here, and excluding people the right to this legal contract. A marriage effectively allows a couple to enter into a financial union as one. Joint bank accounts, purchasing cars and houses and bears (oh my!), land holdings, and insurance. This is the basis of a legal marriage.

Love, caring, children, sex. All these things can be done outside of marriage. While all are legitimate reasons for getting married, what a marriage actually does in the eyes of the law has nothing at all to do with all that idealistic clap-trap. I guess this is where the moral issue comes in. There are some people (apparently an overwhelming majority) who feel that, morally, it is wrong for people of the same sex to get married. There is a smaller number of people who feel that people of the same sex shouldn't be together in a relationship or have sex, but not as many feel this way (not an overwhelming majority). Somehow calling people married and calling people lovers are two different things--morally.

In reality, this is a legal question and should be dealt with as such. Legally, everyone in this country should be allowed to do the same things under the law as everyone else, regardless of race, sexual orientation or stupidity. There are age limits on some things and there used to be speed limits, but these "limits" have nothing to do with who you really are.

Someone (and I don't have to name names) has mixed up personal morality (which everyone has the right to have) with legality. If you don't think people of the same sex should get married, that's fine. Don't get married to someone the same sex as yourself. The question here is whether or not they should have the right, legally, to do this. And this is a question that shouldn't have had to be asked. Let's just think back to that precious document we call the Constitution and what it says about the rights of a U.S. citizen in the 14th Amendment: "No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due process of law; nor deny any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the law."

As far as I know, gay citizens are still citizens of the U.S. What you do inside your house is yours to hold inside your secret heart (excepting, of course, activities that infringe on others rights), and what I do in mine you can just not worry your little head about.

And just to save everyone mass pain and suffering, I don't plan to get married any time soon. So we can all breathe a sigh of relief and go on with our personal business.

Matt Worley ran a version of this column in issue #10 of his magazine, Lies. Not only did he think it timely to print a rerun here, but also to remind readers that issue #10 is out in stores now. If your favorite newsstand doesn't carry Lies, chastise them until the cows come home.

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