Glancing blows
By Matt Worley

There is dust everywhere. I'm not sure where the dust comes from, but I really thought for a long time it was attracted to inactivity. When I was a kid, my idea to keep from dusting every week was to just keep moving. Dust couldn't settle if we were moving around all the time. Doesn't work. The big god of dust keeps churning its children out and now my computer screen is taking on the look of gritty film noir.

On the political scene things are positively weird. Bob Dole is on the Crystal Meth 96 hour tour. Apparently there are a lot of insomniacs who haven't heard about that Indonesia campaign contribution thing. Republicans in New Mexico are mad because the Democrats sent fliers to the Spanish speaking population, which required the Republicans to hire an interpreter to find out what the Democrats were saying. President Clinton drew a crowd of 20,000 in Las Cruces, NM, and the state Republicans blamed the Las Cruces public schools of being partisan since Dole's running mate, Jack Kemp, only drew one to two thousand when he was in town earlier in the week. I guess Kemp didn't get a New Mexico State sweatshirt from the president of the NMSU Young Democrats either. Everyone is asking for a special campaign equal gift giving law to be enacted along with other campaign reforms.

While watching "Poltergeist" (1982 film produced and written by Steven Spielberg) on Halloween Night, I noticed for the first time that the parents were smoking a joint as their kids got scared out of their minds by lightning and clowns (well, the older daughter was just talking on the phone). The film was rated PG, by the way, and also features a middle aged man peddling a children's bike down the street while trying to carry a case of Budweiser in one arm. I thought it was a pretty scary movie when I was young (about 10), but I had no idea. Of course, I also had nightmares from TV dramas about the Hindenberg explosion starring people who were on the TV show "Hotel."

At a party later on Halloween night, I found myself talking to a young man dressed as a woman. He was drinking Budweiser and telling us that we shouldn't go out to eat in nice restaurants if we were not prepared to tip 30% percent. A bit later in the conversation he became confused about his true feelings and asked if we were uncomfortable talking to a man dressed in drag. We said no (considering I looked like an 80s-glam-rocker-wanna-be heroin addict who had gotten beaten up-it was Halloween), but the young man changed into his former high school football playing self and told us about the time he started a mini riot at the Frontier Restaurant. I decided the better part of valor would be to shake my bootie (because I just didn't care) to the greatest hits of contemporary adult modern rock radio that was playing in the living room. The scary thing was that it wasn't actually a radio station, but a couple of women who really wanted to hear the Toni Braxton and No Doubt singles over and over and over.

Mysteriously, the remote to our TV is gone. I spent about a half an hour looking for it before actually going all the way over to the TV to turn it on. When I was a kid, our family only had a black and white model until I was eleven or so. I never knew that Bo & Luke Duke's car, the General Lee, was orange until I bought the Matchbox car to add to our collection. Now I can't stand to watch commercials so much that not having a remote is like losing an ear.

"All Apologies" by Nirvana is playing on my CD player. On random setting, there is about a 1 in 300 chance of this happening. Pretty good, really, when you consider that a new song plays every 3 to 4 minutes. Today the Powerball "Jackpot" is 7 million. My numbers are 2, 10, 13, 24, 27 & the Powerball pick is 42 (the answer to the meaning of life--look it up). I'm not going to spend a buck to play them (7 million isn't as much fun as, say, 46 million). We'll find out how stupid that was later. I think the reality will be, "Thanks for playing, please drive through."

Matt Worley has been under a lot of stress lately, causing him to spurt out small commentaries of varying degrees of humor. The stress is apparently caused by the great number of friends coming out of the closet while his chances of having sex are not getting any better. Updates as events develop.

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