The nonrated life
By Chris Jungle

Let's take a look back to the early 80s at a movie called Red Dawn. For those who are not familiar with it, Red Dawn was a fictional movie with the premise that the Soviet Union was attempting a ground assault take over of the United States. A group of rowdy American teenagers take to the hills with guns and supplies and hold off the Russians for a long period of time. While it has steals a lot of ideas from better books and films, it will always stick in my mind until the Alzheimer's sets in, and maybe even more so after that. The reason is that it was the first PG-13 movie I ever saw in the theater. It was great not only because of the shoot 'em up action that appealed to me as a kid, but because I was only twelve at the time. That's right. I beat the system.

Three years later, I purchased a ticket to see Robocop, and as I walked toward the movie, the teller yelled out to me "Hey, how old are you?" I gave the young lady a scoffing look and stated "Seventeen," as if I was insulted that she would even ask. She smiled and said "Oh, okay." It wasn't a bad performance considering I was fifteen. The movie wasn't bad, but all of my excitement really came from tricking the ticket girl.

It is because of this that I think all age limits should be abolished. People worry about children learning bad language at the movies, but the truth is that kids learn how to cuss on the playgrounds or in the home. Besides, maybe if kids heard people cuss in the movies, they could do it better. I can't tell you how many strange combinations of words kids put together when they're "experimenting" with the dark words of the English language. As far as adult content and situations in movies, kids just won't get it, and when kids don't understand a movie, they get bored and won't watch it. Movie topics can predict the types of people that will watch the movie without a system.

The age limit shouldn't just be abolished in movies, but in other parts of life. Driving should have restrictions, but it's really not a question of age. Driving a car requires a person to be able to reach the pedals, hold on to the steering wheel, and still see clearly out the window. I would have no problem if a height requirement was enforced. You should probably be at least 4' 6 to drive a car. As far as age, it really has nothing to do with it. Kids learn how to ride bikes at five and six, and that requires just as much skill as a car. Furthermore, if kids learn to drive at younger ages, they may actually be better at it. Sort of like learning a foreign language is easier when you're younger.

Some people would fear the idea of a child being able to buy a gun, but again, buying a gun shouldn't be based on age. There should be limits on whether someone is able to buy a gun, but it should be according to the person's ability to use a gun. Kids can shoot just as well as adults if they are trained, and they might even be better. Obviously, some other limitations should apply. Deviant behavior should be just cause to take away gun licenses whether it's a child or an adult‹but that's just common sense.

As far as drugs (including alcohol and tobacco), sex, and music purchasing, age is again not important. I say we should throw more hurdles at kids to overcome. The ones that make it through the obstacle course called childhood will have stronger wills, be more determined to achieve their goals, and probably be more disciplined than any generation seen thus far. The stronger the coffee is, the sweeter the cream. Kids need challenges. They want them. Life dares them to corrupt themselves with anything and everything, so it's about time to make the door wide open. Tell them if they want to be corrupted, it's up to them. No restrictions, but also no suing or whining. When people screw up their lives on whatever they screw it up on, they'll know they chose to do it.

With the rating system, kids still watch rated R movies before seventeen, drink alcohol before twenty-one, and do other drugs before they die (because it's legal to do illicit drugs in the afterlife). As for me, although it's legal for me to do many things now that I'm over twenty-one, I'm still trying to beat the system. I'll probably run for president before age thirty-five, be an AARP member before age fifty, and collect Social Security before sixty-seven. Other than that, I'll just go around the country presenting screenings of the non-rated Caligula to show people that just because some movies aren't rated, that doesn't mean they're actually going to be good. Just like the movies that get rated.

Although Americans are not choosing a deity in this year's national elections, Chris Jungle plans to vote Jonathan Swift for God.

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