oh, the places we'll go
by Chris Jungle

Sometimes circumstances put us in places we normally don't expect to be. For some strange reason, the Ticketmaster location in my town is located at the Foley's in one of the malls. While I don't need Ticketmaster's services on many occasions, The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion was coming, and the only way to get tickets was to go to a head shop called Mary Jane's Hemp Harvest (subtle, huh?) or Foley's at the mall. I, of course, tried the head shop first, but it was closed by the time I got there. This left a slightly longer drive to the mall as my only option.

The mall is not a place where I feel comfortable. It has something to do with a comparison I made with it and a cattle stockyard years ago (Who says metaphors can't change your life?), but it was either that or miss the show. The first thing I saw when I got in there was a stocky man in a red shirt and arms crossed playing the part of bouncer. He did not move any part of his body, which gave him a real mannequin-like quality, and it reminded me that I was entering another reality. As I wandered through the department store, I couldn't stop noticing how neat everything was. Boxes and baubles were stacked high and in uniform, ladies at the perfume counters had enough make up on to give off that artificial beauty, and the speakers played a keyboard rendition of "Jingle Bells." I did my best not to touch anything.

What truly disturbed me was not the synthetic look of the place, but the goods they were trying to sell. Watches, perfumes, pots, clothes, bed spreads, and towels, towels, towels. I can't imagine needing to buy more than two of those items at the same time, and yet they were all there waiting for me to use my purchasing power. Nothing there really appealed to me though, mainly because I didn't know anything that Foley's did well. No one has ever told me "Foley's has the best watches," or "The towels are softest at Foley's." The truth is that Foley's probably doesn't have the best of anything, but they have a lot of everything.

Indulging in consumption is not a bad thing if done in moderation, but it seems like department stores encourage people to buy stuff just because it's there and in mass quantity. I realize the Christmas season has begun (the music was the biggest hint), and people will be buying watches and pots for friends and family. It just doesn't make sense to be buying as much stuff as these places have. How many families are in dire need of a white teddy bear holding a heart (retail price: $16.95) for a toy? That particular Foley's has over one hundred for sale.

The Christmas season brings out a lot of different characteristics in our society, and over consumption is sitting pretty high on the list. We buy to buy, buy for ourselves, and buy because somebody we know might like it. Some families take out advances and loans just so they can buy an immense amount of presents for the holidays. If people don't understand that you can't afford to buy tons of gifts for them, then do they really deserve a gift from you?

I don't mean to pick on Foley's. They just happen to be the department store where I could get tickets. Because it was a mall, I had my choice of Sears, Macy's, Mervins, Dillard's, and Foley's. While I think it would be cool to have a store called Jungle's, there seems to be enough department stores to shower the world with towels for years to come. Unfortunately, these stores will keep restocking and restocking if people keep buying the products. How many times in one's life do you need to buy a set of pots? These stores must be counting on a lot of repeat sales.

That little excursion to the mall will probably be my only one of the season, and although I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet, I have no urge to go back there. It will only remind me that everyone buys (or takes) much more than they need. Gift-giving has become some sort of barter exchange process in which one unnecessary item is exchanged for another, but it is somehow supposed to represent the spirit of the most popular religion in the country. So this year, I dare everyone to do all of their shopping outside of a mall and see if the overbuying goes down at all. It probably won't, but it may make department stores stock less towels. If you must go to the mall, stop into Foley's and say hi to the bouncer in the red shirt. Chances are he still hasn't moved.

Chris Jungle has been black-listed by Foley's and is on lifetime suspension for applying for their credit card.

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