Don't fear the pied piper
By Chris Jungle

One of the lessons taught to children is never to take candy from strangers. When I was told that, I assumed it was because the candy was poisonous or laced with PCP. The latter reasoning stemmed from living in Kansas City during the early 1980s when a bunch of teenagers gave kids candy with angel dust on it just so they could watch them freak out. Everyone in the neighborhood was outraged by such a twisted act, and it seemed like the entire county was on alert for this roaming band of misfits. And to think most old men offer candy to little kids just to steal them away from their families. Since kids have pretty much figured out not to take candy from strangers, another strategy must be incorporated to lure them from their parental units. Of course, one of the oldest stories of kidnapping is still the best, and that is the Pied Piper. Today it comes in the form of Music Television.

That's right. The kids still live in your homes, eat from your refrigerator, and get their clothes washed by their parents labor, but their wants, thoughts, and desires are fixated on one special cable channel. No one else talks to kids about drinking, sex, fashion, music, and attitude better than the sweet sound bites of MTV. Children watch the channel for hours at a time. Not for any particular reason other than to be reinforced that the way they act is okay.

MTV wasn't always the spellbinder it is today. In the mid-eighties, it could be classified as a video radio station that included all of the groups and songs on regular radio stations. Somewhere along the way, the network realized that the fashions and attitudes of the musical groups on the network were extremely popular with the youth of America. So after several years of refining and retooling, MTV has finished its apprenticeship and is a full-fledged Pied Piper. The network now has the ability to bring all of the kids into the streets by promising a happy journey through puberty.

There are some who are outraged by MTV's control over their kids much in the same way parents were outraged about the PCP candy, but it's too late to call a neighborhood watch on this one. MTV is already in the homes. It doesn't matter if the family gets a V chip because the kids have already gotten a listen to the sweet siren songs of those special VJs. What makes the channel so enticing that kids flock by the millions to watch? It's actually very simple. They just talk about everything a child's parents never would. Common examples are skateboarding, makeovers, South Central Los Angeles and awards shows. When was the last time you heard a parent say "Come on, Johnny, let's all watch the MTV Video Awards Extravaganza together." It just doesn't happen.

Don't worry, though. There is a way to break the Pied Piper's control over the youth, and it isn't the V chip-or any chip for that matter. The reason the original Pied Piper successfully took all of the youth away was that the parents did not understand what was so great about the songs. If the parents had gotten into the line going out of town like the kids, soon all of the children would have become self-conscious about enjoying something their parents did, and the Pied Piper would have quickly lost his power.

So, if parents truly want their kids to stop watching MTV, the same tactic should be attempted. Watch MTV with your kids, ask questions about the videos and special presentations, and laugh out loud at each "Beavis and Butthead" cartoon (they are funny sometimes). Your children will realize that their network is not as cool as they thought, and they will stop watching to go off looking for something else grown ups don't understand.

There are a couple warnings parents should heed before attempting to watch MTV with their kids. First, it can be very addicting-even for adults. One can become overly-concerned with what Jenny McCarthy is wearing on any given day or wonder when the network is going to show the new Bone Thugs-n Harmony video again--even though it was on just thirty minutes before. Don't worry, shallowness is an ordinary symptom of overdosing on MTV. The second warning is that the parent will have to watch for quite a while before positive results occur. Kids can watch MTV for eight hours straight, so be careful. One must be willing to spend several hours with their children on their level, and many parents may not be willing to put in the time it takes to wean their youth. The parents with no patience will just have settle for the consolation that the new Pied Piper keeps the kids out of their hair.

To those parents that think they can delve into the world of MTV and bring their kids out, I bid thee good luck and God's speed. You'll have those kids watching CNN's Crossfire in no time.

Chris Jungle claims he knows a literary researcher that can prove the song the Pied Piper played all those years ago was "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

return to the Shut up, I'm talking page
return to the LIES home page
return to the A&A home page